what i want from this, is to learn to let go.

MOVED.

Wed, 25 Apr 2007 14:49:43 GMT

#149 vday celebrations

Wed, 14 Feb 2007 16:37:45 GMT

so my valentine's day was pretty awesome. had a good day exchanging gifts in school. and also with the boyfriend. nic gave me the sweetest present everrr, a pretty red box with some pretty meaningful stuff in 'em. thank you baby, mwah! :)

so yesss, i still ought to post my dubai photos, first month dinner with nic, russell's + dhiban's chalet and valentines! soon soon! i promise, this weekend. when, im left alone whilst my munjen boyfriend, happy pillys and friends go cny visiting! hmph.

night world!

#148

Tue, 06 Feb 2007 16:31:45 GMT

my wisdom tooth's killing me, and so are the cramps. ive been turning to food,so much so that even a project-mate mentioned that i was getting "rounder". oh goodness me. do i hear the word "gym" and "cardio" calling out to me?

these next few weeks aren't gonna be smooth sailing as it is.its laden with tests, projects and not to mention i'll be working both saturdays and sundays. im just waiting for chinese new year to come, so i can have a short break. well deserved? that i doubt.

i'd rather be back in dubai than being stuck here. shopping, good food (think: cinnabons, good pasta, steak, tempura), and the fact that im not held down by any obligations whatsoever.

ive been missing people. some of which, who DONT deserved to be missed at all. harsh,yes. but honestly, you dont seem to know who your true friends are. making half hearted attempts to save what we thought might be a lasting friendship. its been all talk, but no action on your part. its a wonder to even receive a short text from you these days. dont use the "im busy" excuse, because that excuse has been used on far too many occasions. from now onwards, i wont even bother so as to text or give you a call. usually you dont reply to the texts sent, neither do you pick up your calls. we've come a long way, and i love you to death. its a pity you dont feel the same way to.

my bestest socialite is finally moving back to the near east. like finally bitch. ive missed you like truckloads. *bimbo moment* no more lepaking alone at the void deck eh elf? can't wait for the many starbucks sessions we're gonna have. ive missed that.

its funny how we meet so many different people in our lives, but we only need a handful of 'em to be content. as long as we know who our true friends are, its not too hard to be.

#147

Thu, 01 Feb 2007 15:41:37 GMT

have you ever felt, as though it was wrong to be happy?to want to be able to count your blessings, but at the same time worry about other people's feelings? things are different nowadays,and we all know that. the strain of having to salvage this friendship so precious, is beginning to get to me. please try to put yourself in my shoes' and vice versa. because we can't keep on being so selfish and thinking about ourselves all the time, and at the same time hurt people dear to you.

*

and you. you, the one with the neverending promises.and no, im not asking for a rebuttal entry on your journal. but i dont know how to put it across you. you, yourself made that promise. but you never followed up, on it. im not asking for much.i know you have your other things to do, but seriously. please stop making promises/engagements with no real intention of it ever occurring. i tried not to let your flaky-ness affect me so much, but its not so easy. thats why i never expected anything much from you, lest you feel pressured into this "friendship". the least you could do, is to show up when we're supposed to meet.

#146

Wed, 31 Jan 2007 16:01:39 GMT

happy 1st baby, :)

mwah

#146

Sat, 27 Jan 2007 15:17:48 GMT

i knew id get upset, going through the past. but i still did. why, you ask. beats me. that just how i work i suppose. i thrive on pain, and thats what keeps me going on. if pain doesnt come knocking on my door, i go knocking on pain's door itself.

*
roar. ugly betty's taking forever to load. dont talk to me about sex and the city, that takes even a longer time to load. photobucket's being a bitch and thus im rendered unable to post pictures from lisha's birthday dinner last night. i hope you had a swell of a time love. i love you, and im sure you know that already. i was the first to wish her happy birthday and was also the first to wish her happy bekated birthday. then, i made sujana and lolly follow suit in wishing her happy belated. hahs, im corny like that.

today, i spent my evening napping over at nic's. given a choice, i wouldnt have woken up when i did. its nice to find that special someone when you wake up. albeit all grumpy and all.( i am not a morning person and i wake up grumpy regardless of the time). here's to many more occasions where i find you next to me when i wake up :)

right this has got to be one of the most boring entries everrr. another one, to add to the ever growing collection.yay! ugly betty's all reaady, :)

#145

Mon, 22 Jan 2007 16:23:37 GMT

#144- sputnik sweetheart

Fri, 19 Jan 2007 20:41:00 GMT

thank you for supper earlier on baby. i doubt ill be getting much sleep today. far too many things going through my head, and no. i dont wish to discuss it any further. thank you very much.

so its just going to be me, my sputnik sweetheart and my hot chocolate+marshmellows. ill probably attempt to sleep, by crying. havent cried myself to sleep, in a very very long time. ran out of reasons to, but now all the more i do. good nighties world, or rather good morning.

hope you guys are better off than me.

#143 - birdcage girl.

Fri, 19 Jan 2007 19:57:25 GMT

so basically that rather sums it all up, how im feeling currently. i feel as though, im being scruntinized so intently. so intently that im starting to suffocate. i seem to be unable to live up to certain people's expectations, and the sad thing is. these are the people i hold dear to my heart. people im related to, by blood. not just some random acquaintance.

no more updates, or rather public ones anytime soon. because i dont want to be judged based on my lifestyle choices. i really dont, because you never really took the time to know what type of a person i am. so please, dont be too quick in making judgements.

maybe to some of you, im not living up to the expectations set for me. and that i should stop whatever nonsense ive been up to. and i've run out of excuses. this is my life, and i make my own decisions. trust me, i am not the sort easily swayed by others.

there. ive run out of things to say. and im too tired to. maybe to you, im not living up to your expectations of me being an only daughter. thats just too bad, if you think you can do a better job. why not, you replace me?

im tired, and i have a lot of shit going on for me. school-wise, social-wise. i dont need the additional shit, family-wise. i really do not have the energy to to deal with it. not now, maybe never. im a single being, there's only so much i can do. try being in my shoes, my position. see whether you can do a better job.

there's only so much i can, and believe me. ive tried helping her out. how do i help someone who does not want to be helped in the first place?

#142 we go blind when we've needed to see

Wed, 10 Jan 2007 16:40:32 GMT

because ive never felt this helpless, for a very long time coming.
this is what happens, when eveything just unloads itself one after another.

i need you my bangbanggf. where art thou? :(

#141

Mon, 08 Jan 2007 14:33:47 GMT

that strange feeling's back. the one where i cant seem to just convey my feelings/thoughts to words. why do i find it hard to express myself. i have no clue. i dont know what i want, what i need and what im feeling. im just unsure about every single thing thats going on and it scares the hell out of me.

anyways, dubai was good. too good in fact, i came back with the extra pounds and a horrid flu bug. go away you horrid bug, ive had enough of sounding like a "bapok changi". it just isnt appealing, not that it ever was. ill post pictures when i feel like it, i suppose.

school resumed as per normal today. lets just say that this semester's timetable is just plain horrible. 2 projects dumped on us, on the first day of school. nice. im skipping school tomorrow, i have mc so there. i would never be able to survive 3hours of accounting with jennylai.

#140 - happy new year, :)

Sat, 30 Dec 2006 16:53:46 GMT

oh wow, 2006 has come and about to make its exit very very soon. i decided to do this before i fly off. i'll be spending new year's on a plane, hee.

lets recap shall we?

- withdrew from millennia
- started work at cali fitness
- fell in love
- bangkok trip
- 18th birthday
- break up
- shatec
- work ; yami yogurt moving on to wanderlust

thats just a brief summary of my 2006. one word to describe it : bittersweet. its been a really hard year for me, in every aspect. and its made me who i am now.

ive learnt to treasure people more( at least i hope i do), and not take things for granted.

im just relieved( sorta) to leave 2006, its been rather painful. so 2007, please treat me well.

happy 2007 to you, dont get to drunk. recovering from a hangover on the first day of the new year, doesnt sound very appealing.

to my bang-bang girlfriend, happy pills, mamasan, best-est socialite & not forgetting my special devil's child. ill miss you guys terribly, just counting down the days til i get back. much love, :)

#139

Thu, 28 Dec 2006 16:26:35 GMT

the past few days have been awesome, they really have been. so thank you, for making me laugh all the time with your stupid antics and by acting all gay :)

im flying off on sunday, so emsie baby. please please make yourself free. i miss you bitch

ps:// id like a pet rabbit please. a white dwarf angora to be exact. the fluffier the fur, the better.

#138

Sun, 17 Dec 2006 17:56:53 GMT

there's two sides, to every story. its up to you, whether or not you want to listen to it.
golly, this is the second time im actually referring to you.
you must have made quite an impact, havent you? :)

ps/ im baaack, and there's talk about a dubai trip. say it'll happen, because i could use with another respite.

#136

Wed, 13 Dec 2006 07:20:50 GMT

how do people do it? they seem to just breeze through life, just like. while i am, forever stumbling. and trying to find the real me. im a huger mess, than anyone realizes. and i dont blame you. because, how many times can i call you when im bawling my guts out?

given a choice, im sure you'd know what id choose.

Tue, 12 Dec 2006 17:36:45 GMT

words maketh a man, or break them.

the power of words,
often underestimated.

what makes a word, a word? why is an apple, pronounced as such? who decided the so-called "rules" in english? determining, what is a verb, a noun and such? who came up with the term present & past tense?

thinking too much, has always been one my greatest weakness. because of my hesitance, ive lost quite a number of things/opportunites in life. "no regrets, they dont work."- from some robbie williams song. but how is that possible? i mean, c'mon. do you really have no regrets in life? not even a teeny weeny bit? or perhaps, these "regrets" have seemed to have slipped off our minds, and thus not regarded as one?

i need to put an end to these montonous and boring entries. but until the day, im able to stop myself from overanalyzing every single minute thing then these entries shall still make its appearance once in a while.

*

on a much lighter note, the holidays have finally arrived. lollycakes dearest is in bang"cock" and her absence is sorely missed by me & lishies darling. at least lishies' still in singapore, for i wouldnt know what was to become of me should i be left stranded alone in singapore.

ok, im being melodramatic. but hey, thats what blondes are famous for no? no you twits, i dont mean literally. figuratively.

#135 -.

Tue, 05 Dec 2006 16:32:15 GMT

Lost love is still love.
It takes a different form.
You cant see their smile or bring them food
or tousle their hair or move them around the dance floor.
But when those senses weaken, another heightens.
Memory. Memory becomes your partner.
You nurture it. You hold it. You dance with it.
Life has to end. love doesnt.
//Mitch Albom

what i really want,NOW is good company, ikea's meatball, caramel macchiato(with extra shot of espresso pls!) and retail theraphy.

see? im not that hard a person to please. hahs, right.

i love my bang-bang bestie & happy pills. really. :)

Fri, 01 Dec 2006 18:36:01 GMT

ive been providing myself with a false sense of security.
seeking solace, in all the wrong places and wrong people.

im not good with goodbyes,
id rather there not be at all.

maybe thats why im not good with hello(s)
because i dont want them to leave in the first place.

complicated souls, we are
or do we complicate things on our own?

i dont know,
and i never will.

follow through,
will you?

welcome back emo nights, its been a long time.

#134 - 'tis the season to be random

Fri, 01 Dec 2006 16:59:13 GMT

random fact(s):

#1. im sorry, i just felt replaced. like i wasnt needed anymore. i miss my bestie/bang bang girlfriend =(
#2. i got my body shop cranberry body butter/ shower gel/ lip balm/ soap. and a orange facial scrub and orange body shower. i have weird fetishes, for nice smelling toiletries.
#3. i shouldnt be. because, its wrong. why is it wrong? beats me. but it just is. rarggghhh
#4. exams start this monday, and obviously i havent started on anything. whats new?
#5. im going for the indie gig with ain tmr! and i have nothing to wear. sigh.
#6. im having shopping withdrawal syndromes.

wokay kiddos! thats enough random facts for today. maybe, just maybe i shall start on front office. night y'all.

#133 emokid.

Wed, 29 Nov 2006 14:22:55 GMT

i am emo,
hear me cry,
watch me cut my wrist,
and die!

#132- hiatus.

Wed, 22 Nov 2006 15:47:14 GMT

give me a fucking break. stop setting up expectations when you know i cant live up to them.

why do we aim to please? i wont bother anymore, just because. you do/say what you want.because from now, it wont mean a single thing.there's only the 3 of us, but why do we find it so hard to get along? just one day, without the fucking screaming and accusations. one day,daddy.

im tired of playing charades, if only life was all about rainbows&butterflies. if only. mine's filled with short-term happiness, and prolonged verbal warfare.

#131- because it comforts me

Mon, 13 Nov 2006 17:25:18 GMT

what am i to you?

#130 - saying things we never meant to say

Tue, 07 Nov 2006 14:45:45 GMT

funny how humans are. in the midst of anger, our brain just seem to stop working. and all the things we've never meant/dared to say comes spilling out.
but the thing is, once their spoken, no matter how profusely you apologise soon after. you can never take back the hurt.
"once broken, considered sold", same for "once uttered, considered hurt". it goes roughly along the same line.

true, ive been guilty of this, only because im human. and i try not to hold a grudge to those who do the same to me. but once you've been at the receiving end of this verbal abuse, you learn and discover words do hurt. especially when it comes from those you love.

so, think before you speak. because words might just seem to be words. but words uttered by a loved is of much weight. i know im trying, and so should everyone else.

#128 -

Thu, 02 Nov 2006 16:03:23 GMT

ive been to lazy to update these days, not that there's anything interesting to update about.

its the same thing, day in day out. the mundanity of life. school's been taking up a lot of my time and effort. so are the parentals, they're constantly been on my case lately, and them wearing me down emotionally is not what i need right now.

time, time's the supposed medicine right? time heals all wounds no? go ahead, i have all the time in the world. heal me.

Wed, 25 Oct 2006 14:42:54 GMT

LETS PLAY PRETEND SHALL WE?

EVEN IF IT KILLS.

and oofi, its not just about #$#@#@#$. its more than that. but thank you.